Anyway to end my long weekend, heres a picture i took this morning before my jog. Mmmm. I was giving thanks while jogging. Thankful to be in peaceful singapore and not having to be in fear or trauma or in war. Thankful for my family, friends, boyfriend.. Thankful to have functioning limbs and a healthy body. The weekend has ended and well, 4 more days till the next weekend!
This flower represents simplicity. My world is not simple. It is partially my fault. But it is also due to my circumstance. We always say we want things to be simple.. But being simple isn’t that simple, especially when we live in such a densely populated city. I think the best analogy would be that we are all on running on a running track. Everyone has their own lane. But we can see how others are faring. If one chooses to be simple, it means giving up trying to catch up with your peers and do it at your pace. It would mean that theres a high chance of giving up the glory of being first, the attractive trophy at the end of the race and the guilt of not pushing yourself harder when your peers can. Even if its not about being the first, it is still a race against time because we dont want to be the last person on that running track. What if.. We can give up that thought? Give up the whole idea of being embarrassed to be the last. Or not side glancing at your peers to see how far back they are or how far back you are? Would it be possible to give up the idea of the goodness of being victorious and simply do what one wants to do? It is hard. It is hard to be simple because we dont really know that consequence of leading a simple life. For me, im afraid to miss out on things if i opt to be simple. I feel that if i dont achieve what my friends do, im a loser. Everyone around me is also in this race. But all i want is to run in the park. Get out of the race and create my own running track. But its not easy. Its insecure and unambitious. Or is it? Hmmmm
I have to spam because everytime i select a picture to delete, it fishes out memories.. Machiam pensive. But anyway, #throwback again! Im very proud to declare my love for #phantomoftheopera .. If i had the money, i would have wanted to catch the japanese version of it. I loved Phantom for over a decade now and yes, i listen to the soundtrack over and over and over again through my growing up years. My favourite song is “point of no return” .. I think its a sad song but it applies to our life. You know, some paths you take lead you to points of no return. My dream is to catch it on Broadway. Haha! Oh well! I am a #phan! If they come back to MBS, i really wanna buy the most expensive tix. I wanna see the dungeon part upclose! Sigh. Actually people always portray the Phantom as a villian.. Even in shows where they draw reference to Phantom of the Opera.. They show him as some psycho murderer. Ya he is la. But he is like that because he grew up from an awful childhood. Imagine being part of the circus freaks and seen as an exhibit where children throw rocks at you in a cage. Blah. Such a tragedy. But really too good. I have a secret fantasy of naming my child Raoul. But nathan dont want. Blah. Oh well!
Looking through all my Japan pics before i delete them.. I have backed them up already but i still cant bear to delete them! Lol! So one more #throwback .. Firstly, this pic of me is sibei act. Hahaha! It was our first time taking the train and the train station was empty and we had q a while before the train came. so we just spammed pics. Lol! And with every empty train station comes the opportunity to take a nonchalant/looking-into-the-distance/act-like-im-reflecting-on-life-when-all-i-did-was-giggle-cus-this-is-too-act-le.. Picture. Haha! I shouldnt have ruined the opportunity to put a quote about life/youth/time/love.. But i cant. Lol! Its too act le! Lol! Ok but anyway, i really really loved japan, especially hokkaido. And especially love travelling with @m0rganified haha! I know im not a good companion because i can get super hyped up over the stupidest thing and i am very very very bad at remembering directions (even if its just #onedirection.. Ha! I think all one directioners clicking on my pic will roll their eyes to the back of their head and back when they see that this pic has nothing to do with 5 hot teenage boys!) yeah. So im really thankful for having such a nice, reliable, knows me better than i know myself companion who knows what im thinking even if i act like im cool (when im not) and she can totally look through my false front and just say what im thinking and lololol.. Q paiseh. Hahah! And ya, and shes a good caretaker also (贤妻良母 material) ! Lol! V grateful to be able to go Japan and especially to Yorkshire. I’ll be back.
Breakthroughs morning: i had many breakthroughs this morning! Breakthrough 1: I think since i started working 2 years ago, my body clock seem to have gotten boring. I realise that on weekday mornings, im always up before 10. On my own. Today i woke up at 8.30 without alarm. Lol! Cant even sleep extra. Breakthrough 2: this is one of the rarest moments of this year where i did what i said i’ll do. Last night i wanted to go jogging but was so caught up with finishing my work.. Then i told myself, i will do some exercise tmr. Supposed to go cycling w kwek but it was cancelled. So then i wanted to laze around somemore but i felt it was kinda wasted to do nothing. So i just ate a banana, put on my gear and off i went! I actually did what i said i’ll do! U cannot believe my disbelief! Haha! Hope there’d be more moments like this! Breakthrouh 3: i actually woke up the earliest in my home! I am a record-breaking last waker in my family. My parents are early risers, so is my bro. They will always be up by 10? And i’d be awake at 1. Lol! And this time, im the first! Lol!! *pats self on the back* even had to leave a note saying im out for a jog cus i never bring keys. Breakthrough 4: i never walked at all. Jogged 2km and i never walked. Its a breakthrough because i usually sprint and walk sprint and walk. And today i just told myself, okay, lets see how far i can go without walking. And i finished the whole 2km without walking! Lol! Ok, its not a big deal to most people. But it is for me. Being able to hold up and not give up is something i’ve never really done. Lol!! Well, even though i’ve had one of the worst timings ever in my life.. But im still proud of myself. I hope this will be the first breakthrough of many to come! This is my start to something new. If u’re reading this and thinking, “blah its just 2km, why must you write an essay on it?” Well, i love writing essays. And lets just say it has been a .. Uneventful, one of the most montonous, unmotivated year for me since last august.. And yeah, i hope im onto something! Yeahyeah! Just hope it isnt pms or moodswing haha!
Working on a weekend.. Well, its quite sucky but im grateful nonetheless. Im of course, not grateful for having to work on a weekend, i’d frankly rather be lazing or going out than to do this. But after reading about the war in Gaza and for it to be to be a long weekend, at least i can still play tomorrow. And im fortunate enough to be sitting here to do work instead of being in Gaza.. Fearing for my life or being in constant fear me or my loved ones would be killed.. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be living in fear everyday.. So, im just grateful for being able to sit here and do my work while listening to 2ne1. I really hope our generation can have some impact and put a stop to the decades long war in Gaza. :(
Things are finally back to normal. After months of “turbulence”, things are finally back to normal. Even after he came back, it was still a bumpy road. There was alot of things to trash out and clear for us to move on. And we did. I used to take things being normal for granted. I guess you never know until you’ve lost it. But thank you universe for giving us a second chance. It feels good to be back to normal! There’s gonna be a new set of challenges coming at us in the years to come.. Now that he’s back.. I guess we have larger issues to tackle regarding our future. But whatever it is, right now.. I just wanna enjoy this - The normality of things. Really have to thank my friends for just being there for me when i was insecure and needed a listening ear. I guess im terrible at being a cool, non-chalant, poise girlfriend. Really wish i could one day be cool like CL. Lol! But right now, i still have a long way to go. Lol! Too uncool for this world.